Chapter 13: "The Dagwood/Blaster Incident?"

It was early March 2003 B.R. I was at Denny’s with RJ and James. It was just the three of us. I’m sure there were some acquaintances that we knew but nobody to really pay much attention to.

It was a long day at work I’m sure because it was either that or just sheer audacity that allowed the following to happen.

I ordered my usual Oreo Blender Blaster but also a Breakfast Dagwood. For those that don’t remember, the Breakfast Dagwood was a monster of a sandwich. It was pretty much a Moons Over My Hammy with thick hoagie bread instead of toast and more meat. The meal also came with hash browns.

After the waitress took our order RJ shot me a look alternating between confusion and disbelief.

“You’re going to eat all that?”
“Yeah, why shouldn’t I?”
“Bob, nobody finishes a Breakfast Dagwood.”
“Yeah?”
“It always ends up being take-out. And you also ordered a shake.”
“I know.”
“I’m just letting you know, I’ve seen mighty people fall before these.”
“Okay.”

RJ just shrugged it off. Maybe it was the naiveté of it all. I had enjoyed the Breakfast Dagwood previously as well as a shake but never at once. Then again, RJ probably forgot the superpowers I have when it comes to eating. As a former wrestler I usually pigged out when a season would end. The amounts of food I would eat would be heroic. Not that this would happen for a long time. Rather, I would just gorge for a day or two when a season ended.

My shake came out. I proceeded to drink most of it but saved some of it along with the mixing cup for when my food arrived.

We all got our food and I looked at the sandwich that lie before me. It was a mound of scrambled egg, ham, a couple cheeses, bacon, sausage, and thick, grilled, buttered bread. Keep in mind also there were also hash browns as well. I’m sure even Orson Welles in his later years would look at this plate of food and tell me to relax.

Maybe RJ was going to be right. I mean, if he was right the that’s great. But there was that part of me that wanted to prove him wrong. This is the kind of a feat that makes the uber-mensch.

I proceeded to eat the whole thing. Sandwich, hash browns, the whole shake, and the mixing cup.

RJ and James sat in disbelief the rest of the night. I’m sure I topped it all off with a coffee but I can’t remember. I had already ascended Saturated Fat Mountain and anything I did after that really doesn’t stack up.

Through it all I never did feel like stopping. Even during my worst eating binges after a wrestling season I would have the sense to know when to stop. I guess that night I was legitimately hungry. Looking at the nutritional information for it though does make me think that I was probably a little reckless that night.

Breakfast Dagwood nutritional info:
http://www.thedailyplate.com/nutrition-calories/food/dennys/breakfast-dagwood

Oreo Blender Blaster nutritional info:
http://www.thedailyplate.com/nutrition-calories/food/dennys/desserts-oreo-blender-blaster

It is a little sad though to know that there is no Breakfast Dagwood any more. I have found you might be able to ask for a Moons Over My Hammy with hoagie bread in the event you would wish to go back to a simpler, fatter time. But I cannot say I recommend it unless you are feeling nihilistic.