It was early March 2003 B.R. I was at Denny’s with RJ and James. It was just the three of us. I’m sure there were some acquaintances that we knew but nobody to really pay much attention to.
It was a long day at work I’m sure because it was either that or just sheer audacity that allowed the following to happen.
I ordered my usual Oreo Blender Blaster but also a Breakfast Dagwood. For those that don’t remember, the Breakfast Dagwood was a monster of a sandwich. It was pretty much a Moons Over My Hammy with thick hoagie bread instead of toast and more meat. The meal also came with hash browns.
After the waitress took our order RJ shot me a look alternating between confusion and disbelief.
“You’re going to eat all that?”
“Yeah, why shouldn’t I?”
“Bob, nobody finishes a Breakfast Dagwood.”
“Yeah?”
“It always ends up being take-out. And you also ordered a shake.”
“I know.”
“I’m just letting you know, I’ve seen mighty people fall before these.”
“Okay.”
RJ just shrugged it off. Maybe it was the naiveté of it all. I had enjoyed the Breakfast Dagwood previously as well as a shake but never at once. Then again, RJ probably forgot the superpowers I have when it comes to eating. As a former wrestler I usually pigged out when a season would end. The amounts of food I would eat would be heroic. Not that this would happen for a long time. Rather, I would just gorge for a day or two when a season ended.
My shake came out. I proceeded to drink most of it but saved some of it along with the mixing cup for when my food arrived.
We all got our food and I looked at the sandwich that lie before me. It was a mound of scrambled egg, ham, a couple cheeses, bacon, sausage, and thick, grilled, buttered bread. Keep in mind also there were also hash browns as well. I’m sure even Orson Welles in his later years would look at this plate of food and tell me to relax.
Maybe RJ was going to be right. I mean, if he was right the that’s great. But there was that part of me that wanted to prove him wrong. This is the kind of a feat that makes the uber-mensch.
I proceeded to eat the whole thing. Sandwich, hash browns, the whole shake, and the mixing cup.
RJ and James sat in disbelief the rest of the night. I’m sure I topped it all off with a coffee but I can’t remember. I had already ascended Saturated Fat Mountain and anything I did after that really doesn’t stack up.
Through it all I never did feel like stopping. Even during my worst eating binges after a wrestling season I would have the sense to know when to stop. I guess that night I was legitimately hungry. Looking at the nutritional information for it though does make me think that I was probably a little reckless that night.
Breakfast Dagwood nutritional info:
http://www.thedailyplate.com/nutrition-calories/food/dennys/breakfast-dagwood
Oreo Blender Blaster nutritional info:
http://www.thedailyplate.com/nutrition-calories/food/dennys/desserts-oreo-blender-blaster
It is a little sad though to know that there is no Breakfast Dagwood any more. I have found you might be able to ask for a Moons Over My Hammy with hoagie bread in the event you would wish to go back to a simpler, fatter time. But I cannot say I recommend it unless you are feeling nihilistic.
Showing posts with label james. Show all posts
Showing posts with label james. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Friday, February 8, 2008
Chapter 6: Fireworks by the river
It was early July, 2003. I was with James and Mark (known as Scott to many, but I call him Mark) and we were all bumming around Port Huron and Sarnia. We went across the border because I knew they had the Woodstock DVD at Lambton Mall. But unbeknownst to me no place was open, so we went back to the States.
While over there James did have one of his most infamous moments. It was a beautiful day and I had all the windows of my Escort (in all blogs henceforth referred to as “The Satellite of Love”) down, including my the sunroof. As we were driving to the mall we were behind a red truck with an Ontario licence plate and a Confederate Flag sticker on the rear window. We all laughed heartily. Something about that combination seemed as ridiculous as a wannabe thug from Almont.
Seconds after this discovery the truck took a right as we were taking a left at an intersection. James, sitting shotgun, actually pulls himself out of his seat as fast as he can to go through the sunroof as high as possible in order to raise his fist and yell out to the driver “SASKATCHEWAN WILL RISE AGAIN!”
I was laughing so hard at this point I probably should have pulled over. I guess that may have been a “you had to be there” moment; yet, it is so ingrained into my memory I cannot help but get red in the face with how great the delivery of the line was.
We came back to the States and went to Best Buy so I could pick up the newly released Gangs of New York DVD. With not a lot to do, we went downtown. Sarnia was going to have a fireworks display by the water, so naturally Port Huron folk could come and witness it.
I cannot remember which building we were by for the fireworks, but it was in that stretch by the library and all that government jazz. The buildings in the stretch are so similar as to become anonymous.
The people were taking their sweet time getting the fireworks going. Knowing also that this fireworks display would not even be close to matching the near phallic power of the Detroit fireworks, the Mystery Science Theater 3000 parts of my brain were starting to fire up. The anticipation in the crowd was becoming palpable and this only worsened my condition.
Jason Watson was there with his family and I’m sure he was there with his girlfriend. Even though I wasn’t officially Editor-in-Chief of the ESG it was already well known I would be. I decided Jason would be the Business/Ad Manager. At the time I was afraid of the kid because he seemed too cool for his own good. But that would mean he’d be a great manager.
He came over and said hello. I told him about his new position at the ESG and he was happy. He went back to his family only feet away.
Storm, Allison (aka Katrina) came by us to visit. Storm was the Photo Editor the previous semester and would be for the rest of my time at the ESG and beyond. That’s just because she’s the best. Allison I met through RJ. She came to the office often and became a staff writer for the Winter 2003 semester. We got along well. Both of them stayed along with the others they were with.
Finally, one firework went off. It was a pretty weak one at that. My MST3k instinct kicked in with excessive effect.
“That’s the show everyone! Thanks for coming!”
Mark and James began to laugh. My Tom Servo and Crow T. Robot had joined in.
The assault on the fireworks continued. We were hurling jokes and jabs left and right to the fireworks. A number of my jokes were directly taken from episodes of the show and a few were originals. Some that I recall:
“These fireworks have a refreshing mint flavor!” (an MST3k chestnut from the film and episode 1001- Soultaker)
“These isn’t even a fireworks show, someone’s SUV just flipped over.”
“Every time a firework explodes, a Canadian cop gets his badge.”
“Psst…we’re out of fireworks…someone run to the drug store and get some more!”
A good James joke I recall was during the finale when a bunch of them went off at once and he “struggled” to say “I…SHOULDN’T…HAVE…TAKEN…ALL…THAT…ACID!!! AHH!!!”
A rousing time was had by all. We heard some laughs from folks nearby.
Sadly, I haven’t seen Allison since then. She was a good lass. But something good that did come from this was something Jason told me a few months later. Apparently Mark, James, and I made enough of an impression on Jason’s family to elicit a response from his mom along the lines of “Your friends are kinda weird.”
To this day I find that endlessly flattering.
***
Thanks for a fine opening week. See you Monday.
While over there James did have one of his most infamous moments. It was a beautiful day and I had all the windows of my Escort (in all blogs henceforth referred to as “The Satellite of Love”) down, including my the sunroof. As we were driving to the mall we were behind a red truck with an Ontario licence plate and a Confederate Flag sticker on the rear window. We all laughed heartily. Something about that combination seemed as ridiculous as a wannabe thug from Almont.
Seconds after this discovery the truck took a right as we were taking a left at an intersection. James, sitting shotgun, actually pulls himself out of his seat as fast as he can to go through the sunroof as high as possible in order to raise his fist and yell out to the driver “SASKATCHEWAN WILL RISE AGAIN!”
I was laughing so hard at this point I probably should have pulled over. I guess that may have been a “you had to be there” moment; yet, it is so ingrained into my memory I cannot help but get red in the face with how great the delivery of the line was.
We came back to the States and went to Best Buy so I could pick up the newly released Gangs of New York DVD. With not a lot to do, we went downtown. Sarnia was going to have a fireworks display by the water, so naturally Port Huron folk could come and witness it.
I cannot remember which building we were by for the fireworks, but it was in that stretch by the library and all that government jazz. The buildings in the stretch are so similar as to become anonymous.
The people were taking their sweet time getting the fireworks going. Knowing also that this fireworks display would not even be close to matching the near phallic power of the Detroit fireworks, the Mystery Science Theater 3000 parts of my brain were starting to fire up. The anticipation in the crowd was becoming palpable and this only worsened my condition.
Jason Watson was there with his family and I’m sure he was there with his girlfriend. Even though I wasn’t officially Editor-in-Chief of the ESG it was already well known I would be. I decided Jason would be the Business/Ad Manager. At the time I was afraid of the kid because he seemed too cool for his own good. But that would mean he’d be a great manager.
He came over and said hello. I told him about his new position at the ESG and he was happy. He went back to his family only feet away.
Storm, Allison (aka Katrina) came by us to visit. Storm was the Photo Editor the previous semester and would be for the rest of my time at the ESG and beyond. That’s just because she’s the best. Allison I met through RJ. She came to the office often and became a staff writer for the Winter 2003 semester. We got along well. Both of them stayed along with the others they were with.
Finally, one firework went off. It was a pretty weak one at that. My MST3k instinct kicked in with excessive effect.
“That’s the show everyone! Thanks for coming!”
Mark and James began to laugh. My Tom Servo and Crow T. Robot had joined in.
The assault on the fireworks continued. We were hurling jokes and jabs left and right to the fireworks. A number of my jokes were directly taken from episodes of the show and a few were originals. Some that I recall:
“These fireworks have a refreshing mint flavor!” (an MST3k chestnut from the film and episode 1001- Soultaker)
“These isn’t even a fireworks show, someone’s SUV just flipped over.”
“Every time a firework explodes, a Canadian cop gets his badge.”
“Psst…we’re out of fireworks…someone run to the drug store and get some more!”
A good James joke I recall was during the finale when a bunch of them went off at once and he “struggled” to say “I…SHOULDN’T…HAVE…TAKEN…ALL…THAT…ACID!!! AHH!!!”
A rousing time was had by all. We heard some laughs from folks nearby.
Sadly, I haven’t seen Allison since then. She was a good lass. But something good that did come from this was something Jason told me a few months later. Apparently Mark, James, and I made enough of an impression on Jason’s family to elicit a response from his mom along the lines of “Your friends are kinda weird.”
To this day I find that endlessly flattering.
***
Thanks for a fine opening week. See you Monday.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
