Chapter 11: Denny's Prologue

Starting Monday will be the first in a week-long series of posts about the late-night Mecca of the polis. That being the one and only Denny’s. There will be other week-long series for other locations but Denny’s will be the first to get epic-blog treatment.

Denny’s has an undeniable pop culture aura about it. One of the best moments in the first Santa Clause is the Christmas Eve dinner at Denny’s after the failure of cooking the turkey at home. At a Cinematic Titanic party recently Joel Hodgson revealed that he wrote the MST3k opening theme at a Denny’s. One of the finer moments of Family Guy (slim as they come now) is when Chris describes something along the lines that in his new town there should be two Denny’s. With that being the case you can say you don’t want to go to a certain one but go to “the good one” on the other side of town.

But Denny’s has a bad rap. Rightfully so. Some of the waiters aren’t exactly that great. The turnover rate is pretty great. In the process they don’t learn how to operate in such a place. Sometimes the Oreo shakes come with HUGE chunks of cookie, a coffee refill may take a lifetime, or even something like a water may not arrive until the meal has been over for some time. That’s the bad rap that comes with the territory.

Yet Denny’s has another bad rap that is largely undeserved I think. There will always be the pervading sentiment that “Nobody’s at Denny’s” or “There’s nothing to do there.” But at this point in history it is as cliché to say that about Denny’s as it is to say MTV doesn’t play music videos. Both things have been argued about enough times and it doesn’t do a bit of good.

Do I agree with said sentiments? Yes. But I try to do something about it. With the right people and absurd amounts of coffee that place will be hoppin’ like Judy Garland after a trip to Walgreen’s.

For me though, Denny’s became a haven. Need to unwind after a newspaper production? Denny’s. Raven is closed? Denny’s. Significant other break up with you? Denny’s. Want to hang out with a hopeful significant other after a late movie? Denny’s.

Sure, it really began to go downhill over time. I’ll cover those reasons in the next week. But no matter what I find myself drawn to the place. Like a famous band returning for a hometown show I have to go to Denny’s whenever I return to my polis.

Denny’s was and still is my place. Being up that late at night I’m usually drunk, creative, or a combination of both. As such, I’m not into Maine lobster or Korean Barbeque. No, I want a Moons Over My Hammy, an Oreo Blender Blaster, coffee, and water. That’s late night fuel that creates sketches, scripts, stories, and integral events. That place makes for great jokes and at least one of the best theme songs ever.

With such an spiritual and physical attachment to the place I think it is best to go into the DeLorean and look back on what made Denny’s my polis’ version of the Double R Diner, The Max, The Satellite of Love, and From Dusk ‘til Dawn all rolled into one deep-fried, greasy, burgers-as-appetizers getaway.

Chapter 6: Fireworks by the river

It was early July, 2003. I was with James and Mark (known as Scott to many, but I call him Mark) and we were all bumming around Port Huron and Sarnia. We went across the border because I knew they had the Woodstock DVD at Lambton Mall. But unbeknownst to me no place was open, so we went back to the States.

While over there James did have one of his most infamous moments. It was a beautiful day and I had all the windows of my Escort (in all blogs henceforth referred to as “The Satellite of Love”) down, including my the sunroof. As we were driving to the mall we were behind a red truck with an Ontario licence plate and a Confederate Flag sticker on the rear window. We all laughed heartily. Something about that combination seemed as ridiculous as a wannabe thug from Almont.

Seconds after this discovery the truck took a right as we were taking a left at an intersection. James, sitting shotgun, actually pulls himself out of his seat as fast as he can to go through the sunroof as high as possible in order to raise his fist and yell out to the driver “SASKATCHEWAN WILL RISE AGAIN!”

I was laughing so hard at this point I probably should have pulled over. I guess that may have been a “you had to be there” moment; yet, it is so ingrained into my memory I cannot help but get red in the face with how great the delivery of the line was.

We came back to the States and went to Best Buy so I could pick up the newly released Gangs of New York DVD. With not a lot to do, we went downtown. Sarnia was going to have a fireworks display by the water, so naturally Port Huron folk could come and witness it.

I cannot remember which building we were by for the fireworks, but it was in that stretch by the library and all that government jazz. The buildings in the stretch are so similar as to become anonymous.

The people were taking their sweet time getting the fireworks going. Knowing also that this fireworks display would not even be close to matching the near phallic power of the Detroit fireworks, the Mystery Science Theater 3000 parts of my brain were starting to fire up. The anticipation in the crowd was becoming palpable and this only worsened my condition.

Jason Watson was there with his family and I’m sure he was there with his girlfriend. Even though I wasn’t officially Editor-in-Chief of the ESG it was already well known I would be. I decided Jason would be the Business/Ad Manager. At the time I was afraid of the kid because he seemed too cool for his own good. But that would mean he’d be a great manager.

He came over and said hello. I told him about his new position at the ESG and he was happy. He went back to his family only feet away.

Storm, Allison (aka Katrina) came by us to visit. Storm was the Photo Editor the previous semester and would be for the rest of my time at the ESG and beyond. That’s just because she’s the best. Allison I met through RJ. She came to the office often and became a staff writer for the Winter 2003 semester. We got along well. Both of them stayed along with the others they were with.

Finally, one firework went off. It was a pretty weak one at that. My MST3k instinct kicked in with excessive effect.

“That’s the show everyone! Thanks for coming!”

Mark and James began to laugh. My Tom Servo and Crow T. Robot had joined in.

The assault on the fireworks continued. We were hurling jokes and jabs left and right to the fireworks. A number of my jokes were directly taken from episodes of the show and a few were originals. Some that I recall:

“These fireworks have a refreshing mint flavor!” (an MST3k chestnut from the film and episode 1001- Soultaker)
“These isn’t even a fireworks show, someone’s SUV just flipped over.”
“Every time a firework explodes, a Canadian cop gets his badge.”
“Psst…we’re out of fireworks…someone run to the drug store and get some more!”

A good James joke I recall was during the finale when a bunch of them went off at once and he “struggled” to say “I…SHOULDN’T…HAVE…TAKEN…ALL…THAT…ACID!!! AHH!!!”

A rousing time was had by all. We heard some laughs from folks nearby.

Sadly, I haven’t seen Allison since then. She was a good lass. But something good that did come from this was something Jason told me a few months later. Apparently Mark, James, and I made enough of an impression on Jason’s family to elicit a response from his mom along the lines of “Your friends are kinda weird.”

To this day I find that endlessly flattering.

***

Thanks for a fine opening week. See you Monday.